Azeroth INC's shitty fanfics
by Valindriel
Summary: This is intended as a joke, please don't take it seriously. Cringe warning.
1. Chapter I - Kronov

Chapter I

Kronov

He was tired, his aching hands weren't strong enough to cover his tear stained face.

Outside his room the moon shined dim, and only little rays entered through a narrow window on the wall.

The Death Knight, sitting on the edge of the bed, wept angsty as he looked at a hastily written small note resting over his night table. He read it over again, as if passing his eyes through the letters was going to change their meaning, or shift into a complete different message, something hidden that his eyes haven't yet seen. Nonetheless, the writing didn't change. The letters, written with passion, remained motionless in the now wrinkly and wet with the tears of the man who observed with grief.

The note read:

"NO MORE PUNS

-DOFFY"


	2. Chapter II - Bitter Almonds

Chapter II

"Bitter Almonds"

Slowly, I began to regain consciousness. My head ached and my ears rang loudly.

Where am I? I thought.

As I opened my eyes I realized I couldn't see at all, but could not know if this was because of my head's injury or the lack of proper lighting.

I tried to break free, unsuccessfully, from the chains that bound my arms to the cold, wet stone wall. A dungeon? How did I get here? I was feeling dizzy, and the nauseating smell didn't help at all.

While I tried to get my senses back, I heard the noise of a metallic door smashing closed and then, footsteps, and the sound of chains trailing across the floor.

"Wake up, stupid!" I heard a man yell, followed by a powerful slap.

That voice… it seems familiar. Doffy? What the hell is going on?.

Then, I heard a whining moan, followed by several more slaps.

"Daddy? Why am I here?"

I knew immediately who was that. Kronov. But why?

"I'm going to teach you a lesson" Doffy answered, an unexpected wickedness in his tone.

Between the prisoner's grumbling, I managed to hear a blade being sharpened and some vials being rummaged through.

"Does that mean I'm going to be your little schoolboy? Kinky" Said Kronov, suggestively.

A vial crashed against his chest, he groaned.

The smell of bitter almonds permeated the air around. I recognized the scent as cyanide.

"It seems you too have a crush on me" he commented, and chuckled slightly.

"Stop… the… damned… puns!" Yelled Doffy, punching the man's face for every word said.

"Very well" he added later, breathing heavily "Let us begin".

Then, I heard the sound of a whip lashing at Kronov's tender flesh.

Doffy shouted furiously every time the whip struck, however, the other remained silent, except from the occasional whimper escaping his lips.

After some time, when the scent of sweat and blood saturated the small dungeon we were in, the warlock stopped.

"I hate you for forcing me to do this" he said, panting and clearly contrite. Then he sighed. "I'm not a torturer. You have made me become a monster" he reflected to himself "I've got blood on my hands, and you are to blame for it."

"You still treat me better than the Lich King" said the death knight, his voice cracked by pain.

"Shut up you little cum slut" yelled Doffy, throwing yet another flask at him and flogging his naked, bleeding torso again. "I should have muzzled you"

"This is being such a nice bonding experience, daddy" Kronov snickered.

"Don't call me that, you drooling shitface jizz-spanner" he was hopping mad.

He began punching vigorously the injured hanging body of the man in front of him, until he went out of breath and collapsed to the floor.

"You need to rest" said the warlock after a while. "I'll treat your wounds so we can continue when you're healed" he added, assuming his victim would be unconscious by now.

So he proceeded to spread his flayed skin with hot tar, and patch him up.

Kronov whimpered, but he did not seem to regain his senses yet.

A thick bubble of tar dropped on Doffy's shoe, he cursed.

"It's not sticky… because I'm so juicy" the barely audible words Kronov said sealed his fate.

His cell's door closed, and mine opened almost immediately.

The warm light from the torches fell over my face, but I could only managed to see a male silhouette standing at the threshold.

"I found out you were slandering me, you dumb bitch" He said menacingly, then closed the door behind himself.


End file.
